Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Current Status: I'm Having One of THOSE Days

You know... THOSE days. Those days where no matter what anyone says to you, you hate life... one of those days. Yup, that's right I'm not always Miss happy motivational Team Six Pack... my weight loss journey didn't transform me into some Type A energy freak... I'm still very much myself, and I have my bad days too. I just need my moment to be moody and then I'll get over it.

here is yet another segment on this blog where I rant/ramble:

Current Mood: Frustrated, angry, sad upset... something along those lines.

Current Weight: 192.5 (-16.5lbs since I started the blog)

Currently Thinking about: I lost our office biggest loser contest. I never blogged about it before because I didn't want to jinx myself AND then I forgot to talk about it. I plateaued hard core over the fall, even though I was still losing inches of fat the scale wasn't budging and it was frustrating. I was determined to break that plateau. Once the holidays rolled around, I snacked, ate more than I probably should... the scale was up a few pounds but I wasn't stressing because I knew I'd burn it off again. Everyone at the office kept pestering me to set up another biggest loser contest this year so I rallied the troops. It was just an added incentive for me because I really wanted to win this year... I wanted to prove myself. In Christmas 2008, despite losing 50lbs that year, I lost the office biggest loser contest to a freak of nature man who lost 11lbs. I lost 5.

This year we kicked the men out so the contest was more fair, and I was determined to win this time.

Want to know how much I lost... 6.5lbs.

Want to know how much I lost the contest by... 1/2 a pound!!

1/2 a FUCKING Pound!!!

Pardon my fucking French.

I was ok with losing the contest at first because I'm happy for anyone that loses weight and tries to live a healthy lifestyle, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to stay happy when the person who won started saying how she hardly worked out, wanted to give up and had binge weekends! WHAT!!!!!!!!!! I want to rip my hair out!

I worked out 5-6 days a week and I'm not talking piddling on the elliptical for a little while, I'm talking intense sweat drip down to the floor work outs! I got super super strict with my diet, tried removing different foods, but above all eating very healthy, I gave up sweets completely! I thought I was doing everything right, I was trying my hardest, but I still lost and that's why I'm feeling pretty hurt right now.

It's seems I'm on a two year record of living a healthy lifestyle day in and day out losing through out the year, but falling short in these contests. So I'm retiring from office biggest loser. I don't need this to give me motivation to lose weight...all it does is stress me out when I can't prove myself to be the biggest loser even though I know in my heart I truly am.

Currently NOT thinking about: How much I want to leave the office and go out to my car and cry for an hour maybe two.

Currently looking online at:

Anthropologie flipside blazer.

I was going to buy this with my winnings. I really wanted to rush over there right after work today, possibly even at my lunch hour and make this mine... It would look SO cute with jeans boots and a t-shirt underneath. It's destined to be in my closet next to my awesome sigur ros shirts. You will still be mine though cute, casual blazer. I just have to wait till I get paid tomorrow ;).

Currently looking forward to: A concert this weekend and my trip to Dallas in two weeks! Because I can say I've been to Tejas!..... and pronounce it like that: TEJAS!

Currently wishing that: My mood would improve... Just give me time.

Currently listening to: Chopin impromptu #4 in C Sharp... I need my happy classical music place.

Currently Realized: Fuck this. I have a half marathon to train for...and outdoor soccer is just around the corner!! Come on spring weather! I need you to warm up a little, melt the snow some more so I can go to my happy fitness place.


Dangrdafne said...

I hear you loud and clear. I am feeling in the same boat right now. I walked into my trainer on Monday and said "I feel fat and ugly" to which she replied "You do know you are neither of those" and I nodded but replied "I pay you to say that" and we laughed really really hard.

I agree that you should leave your Biggest Loser contest. It is a shame that you feel bad for losing weight because it wasn't ENOUGH weight to win something. You did win something though, you won the battle people wage every single day. You lost 6.5 pounds and that is AWESOME and honestly worth more than any money amount! I would gladly take your winnings right now ;)

I say wallow (cry in the car if need be) for today, go buy the blazer tonite to celebrate you and your 6.5 pounds less of you :) and then start again tomorrow!

Fat Girl Slim said...

Aww, I have had a lot of days like this lately. It sucks so bad.

Hang in there.

TwitardedMom said...

Hang in there. Better days are ahead. RL definited sucks some days. You can always rant to us & we will be there for you.

Karin said...

Sorry To hear about that. Just be proud because you did amazing! Those 6.5lbs is still a loss. Rant anytime, we are all here for you. Everyone has bad days, just remember tomorrow will be better. :o)

17foreverlisa said...

Hey. We all need a pity party once in awhile. We're here when you want to vent :) You're right about giving up the contests, though. You don't need it. You are winning the biggest contest of all . . . a healthy you. Mwah!